Click here for Part 2 of When Dummies Forget Why They Have Handlers - Sentence Structure with Sarah Palin
Notes: (as written by Mock the Dummies author, changed only for style and links)
Most of the lines uttered by the wild-wigged dummy are taken word for word from an error-ridden letter to the editor submitted by birther, Donald Trump. The notes below will focus specifically on the punctuation and grammatical errors, with italics to emphasize the improper phrasing. The notes will also provide links to other included utterances made by America’s most famous birther.
1. Gail Collins, a liberal columnist in the New York Times, wrote a vicious article calling Donald Trump a birther: Donald Trump Gets Weirder, New York Times, April 1, 2011
2. Now the dummy will respond: Donald Trump Responds, New York Times, April 8, 2011
3. Even before Gail Collins was with the New York Times, she has written nasty and derogatory articles about me. / Before she was she had. It should be past tense so the tenses match.
4. Her storytelling ability and word usage (coming from me, who has written many bestsellers), is not at a very high level. / “They are not.” Not “they is not.” / … Who has written? / Me has. / … Her word usage is coming from you. / No. / But isn’t that what you just said with your modifier?
5. There is a very large segment of our society who believe that Barack Obama, indeed, was not born in the United States. / Believes. / Huh? / The segment believes. Segment is singular. / I said segment of our society. / That’s still singular.
6. His grandmother from Kenya stated, on tape, that he was born in Kenya and she was there to watch the birth.
False. Yawn.
7. His family in Honolulu is fighting over which hospital in Hawaii he was born in – they just don’t know.
False. Yawn.
8. He has not been able to produce a “birth certificate” but merely a totally unsigned “certificate of live birth” – which is totally different and of very little significance.
False. Yawn.
9. … there are no records in Hawaii that a Barack Hussein Obama was born there--no bills, no doctors names, no nurses names, no registrations, no payments, etc.
False. Yawn. Ad nauseam.
But wait. Why don’t we know the nurses names?!!! It’s a conspiracy!!!
10. As far as the two notices placed in newspapers, many things could have happened, but some feel the grandparents put an ad in order to show that he was a citizen of the U.S. with all of the benefits thereto. / Two notices – Multiple. Ads. / … Put an ad where?
11. I’m a really smart guy. I was a really good student at the best school in the country.
12. Had this been George Bush or almost any other President or Presidential aspirant, they would never have been allowed to attain office, or would have been thrown out of office very quickly. / He or she. Not they.
13. In other words, they would become the hottest writer since Watergate, or beyond. / “they” can’t become “a writer”; They can’t become the hottest writer since Watergate because Watergate wasn’t a writer; “hottest” is a way to describe a Miss America contestant not a journalist; and when you end a sentence with “Watergate, or beyond” you sound like Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story.
14. We believe the letter includes the following punctuation errors:
bestsellers), is
Ms. Collins’s advice
For some reason, the press protects
15. "You can tell Obama did the second book himself because it read like it was written by somebody of average intelligence with a high school education." (Donald Trump, April 8, 2011)
16. RELEASE THE GMAT SCORE ON THE WHARTON APPLICATION!
We at Mock The Dummy take the position that a person who makes these basic errors in grammar and punctuation could not pass Wharton’s rigorous admissions standards. We demand that Donald Trump (or Wharton Business School) release the application, including the GMAT scores. The topline number will not be sufficient. We demand release of the long-form GMAT score, which includes separate math and verbal scores. Mock The Dummy take the position that a person who makes these basic errors in grammar and punctuation could not pass Wharton’s rigorous admissions standards. We demand that Donald Trump (or Wharton Business School) release the application, including the GMAT scores. The topline number will not be sufficient. We demand release of the long-form GMAT score, which includes separate math and verbal scores.
5. There is a very large segment of our society who believe that Barack Obama, indeed, was not born in the United States. / Believes. / Huh? / The segment believes. Segment is singular. / I said segment of our society. / That’s still singular.
6. His grandmother from Kenya stated, on tape, that he was born in Kenya and she was there to watch the birth.
False. Yawn.
7. His family in Honolulu is fighting over which hospital in Hawaii he was born in – they just don’t know.
False. Yawn.
8. He has not been able to produce a “birth certificate” but merely a totally unsigned “certificate of live birth” – which is totally different and of very little significance.
False. Yawn.
9. … there are no records in Hawaii that a Barack Hussein Obama was born there--no bills, no doctors names, no nurses names, no registrations, no payments, etc.
False. Yawn. Ad nauseam.
But wait. Why don’t we know the nurses names?!!! It’s a conspiracy!!!
10. As far as the two notices placed in newspapers, many things could have happened, but some feel the grandparents put an ad in order to show that he was a citizen of the U.S. with all of the benefits thereto. / Two notices – Multiple. Ads. / … Put an ad where?
11. I’m a really smart guy. I was a really good student at the best school in the country.
12. Had this been George Bush or almost any other President or Presidential aspirant, they would never have been allowed to attain office, or would have been thrown out of office very quickly. / He or she. Not they.
13. In other words, they would become the hottest writer since Watergate, or beyond. / “they” can’t become “a writer”; They can’t become the hottest writer since Watergate because Watergate wasn’t a writer; “hottest” is a way to describe a Miss America contestant not a journalist; and when you end a sentence with “Watergate, or beyond” you sound like Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story.
14. We believe the letter includes the following punctuation errors:
bestsellers), is
Ms. Collins’s advice
For some reason, the press protects
15. "You can tell Obama did the second book himself because it read like it was written by somebody of average intelligence with a high school education." (Donald Trump, April 8, 2011)
16. RELEASE THE GMAT SCORE ON THE WHARTON APPLICATION!
We at Mock The Dummy take the position that a person who makes these basic errors in grammar and punctuation could not pass Wharton’s rigorous admissions standards. We demand that Donald Trump (or Wharton Business School) release the application, including the GMAT scores. The topline number will not be sufficient. We demand release of the long-form GMAT score, which includes separate math and verbal scores. Mock The Dummy take the position that a person who makes these basic errors in grammar and punctuation could not pass Wharton’s rigorous admissions standards. We demand that Donald Trump (or Wharton Business School) release the application, including the GMAT scores. The topline number will not be sufficient. We demand release of the long-form GMAT score, which includes separate math and verbal scores.
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